To Be or Not to be?
by spikeluver432
Summary: Buffy loves Spike she has always loved Spike. But can she get over her obligation to stay with Riley in order to really be with him? This is my first ever fanfiction please review I would love your thoughts! Will be taking down in a couple of days due to the lack of support and reviews.


I leaned my head against the door. I felt so guilty that I was doing this again. But I didn't know what else I could do. I didn't love Riley anymore, but I couldn't stand to leave him. We had been together since our Junior year of high school. I knew he still he loved me and that's why I couldn't leave him. I couldn't bear the thought of breaking his heart. That's also why I was going to see Spike.

Spike and I had grown up together. His real name was William Pratt, he was known as Spike because of the bad boy transformation he had gone through our senior year. He bleached his hair, got contacts, and started dressing in all black. I had loved him ever since he had chucked a rock at my head when we were on the playground on our first day of kindergarten. He was so scared because he thought he had killed me, and ran over to me crying and begging me not to be dead.

I pushed away from the door and walked down the hall to the garaged. When I pulled out of the driveway my stomach started doing little flips. I knew this was wrong but even thinking about seeing Spike got me excited. I pulled out my cell phone and called Spike. It rang three times before he answered and when I heard his voice my heart started banging loudly on my rib cage.

"'Lo?" He sounded as if he had just woke up.

"Hey Spike, It's Buffy, I'm on my way over to see you right now."

"Hey babe, the door's open just come right in. Oh I have a surprise for you!" I hung up the phone and smiled. Spike always had a surprise for me it was his way of saying that he was better for me than Riley was. I pulled up to Spike's apartment complex and parked my car. I ran inside the building excited at the prospect of seeing his face. I ran up the steps to impatient to wait for the elevator. When I went to reach for the door handle of Spike's place it opened before I could touch it. I ran into Spike's arms and instantly knew that I was home.

I felt him kiss the top of my head and start playing with the hem of my shirt. I pushed him into the apartment and kicked the door shut. It was a battle to get clothes off and I knew that we weren't going to make it to the bed. We made love on the floor of his living room.

We lay tangled up in each other for hours before I looked up at his face and kissed his jaw to get his attention. He looked down at me and I realized that there were tears in his eyes. "Why didn't you pick me?" His voice cracked.

"Spike I…It's just that after mom died and I had to start being mom to Dawn he did so much for me. He helped me with Dawn, and pretty much supported us. I want to be with you so badly that it hurts, but Spike how am I supposed to break his heart after everything he has done for me?" Tears started to pour down my face.

"Buffy don't you realize that he is using that to get you to stay? He knows that you don't love him and he knows that you will feel guilty enough to stay with him." I looked up at him in realization. I suddenly knew that Riley had been using me, maybe even I knew it all along and I was just letting the guilt blind me to what was going on. I jumped up and started getting dressed.

"Don't leave…please." Spike said quietly.

"You know how much I don't want to but I just need some space so I can think about some stuff. You know that I love you right?" Spike tried to look away and I grabbed his chin and made him face me. "Hey look at me. Remember the first time we did this? Riley had taken me to that stupid football game and I hated football and all I wanted to do was to get home so I could hang out with you and Dawn. And then you showed up in your crappy little car to give me a ride home. You pulled over a block from my house and you looked at me and told me that you were in love with me."

"Yea and then you attacked me! You were my first and I was so scared that I was gonna be bad, but you kept coming back to me. Even though you never left Riley." Spike sat up and rubbed his eyes and looked at me. I felt so ashamed of myself.

"Spike I just need a little time to think I am going to head home " I finished getting dressed and I headed for my car. As I was driving I started thinking about all the great times that Spike and I had had together.

When I pulled into the driveway I groaned when I saw Riley's car. I thought of a good excuse and headed into the house. When I opened the door I saw Riley in the living room. "You were with him again weren't you?" I could tell that he was sad but I could also see the anger in his eyes.

"I don't know what you are talking about?" I played dumb.

"You know damn well that I am talking about William!" He was slowly walking up to me making me nervous.

"I honestly don't know what you are talking about Riley I just went for a walk down by the beach!"

He flew at me so fast I didn't see the first blow coming. I could feel the pain burst through my cheekbone as his fist contacted my face. I ducked under his arm as he prepared to swing again and ran up the stairs. I grabbed my duffle bag and started throwing all of my clothes into it. When I got as much of my stuff as I could I walked down the stairs slowly. When I got to the living room I saw him sitting on the floor, he looked up at me when he heard my approaching footsteps.

"I am so sorry Buffy I don't know why I lost my temper like that but it won't ever happen again." He sounded like he was on the verge of tears, but I wasn't going to let him make feel guilty ever again.

"Riley, I am so sorry, to, for everything that I have put you through. And I will be grateful for all the things that you did for Dawn and me. I don't love you and I never have I only started dating you in the first place to make Spike jealous. I have been with Spike so many times I can't even count." The look on his face hurt me but it wasn't enough to get me to stay. I ran out to my car and dialed Spike's number.

"Buffy?" His voice sounded sad.

"Spike I finally left him. He hit me and I realized that he didn't deserve for me to feel bad for him. I choose you, Spike. I have always wanted you not him, and I will never leave you again I have my stuff you better make room for me."

"Oh Buffy, I am so happy, come to my apartment I am going to get some stuff taken care of and then we can leave town." I said goodbye to him and headed to the bank to get my money before Riley could take it. With my life savings in hand I headed over to Spike's apartment.

I used the key that was hidden under the welcome mat and let myself into Spike's apartment. It was eerily silent as I went to the couch and turned on the TV. After about three hours of watching mindless television I drifted off to sleep starting to feel worried that Spike wasn't going to show up. I woke up at eight and realized that the apartment was still empty.

I decided to wait it out for another hour before I would let myself believe that Spike wasn't going to leave with me. I sat on the couch for what felt like hours before I looked at the clock again. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that he wasn't going to show up. I slowly got up and started gathering my things, I collapsed on the floor in front of the door sobbing.

Suddenly I heard a key in the lock of the door and I looked up hopefully. When Spike walked in I could see that his face was badly bruised on one side. I jumped up and immediately ran into his arms. "Spike what happened?"

"Riley caught up to me I let him have a few swings before I laid him onto the pavement."

I slowly put my hand on his face and looked into his eyes. "I love you, you know that?"

"I love you too, pet." He leaned down to kiss me and I knew that I was home. He was my past present and future. I looked into my future with more excitement then I ever had.


End file.
